For once i'd actually like to write only positive things on here, unfortunately, that's not happening today. I'm trying my hardest not to have a melt down and keep myself together for my Master and Mistress, however, I am finding it difficult right now. I have a few wounds on my stomach that are not healing and i'm scared that it's going to put me in the hospital again. I have lupus, and a rare type of hemophilia which makes it hard for my body to heal certain things. Last year I dealt with the same thing. Over the past few years i've been in and out of the hospital around 6 or 7 times due to health issues and surgeries along with having my fill of seeing doctors. Frankly I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I spent 7 months last year dealing with trying to heal from 2 different surgeries (one of which I had difficulty with) and really don't want to have to do that again this year. I'm stressed and worried to death.
Yesterday my Master asked me if there was anything wrong because I wasn't acting like myself. I just told him that I was tired and achy, which is true but I didn't tell him everything. I know I should have, however, why put my problems and worry's on someone that's already stressed. He doesn't need any more put on him. I try to hide the fact that i'm stressing but it doesn't do any good, he sees right through me and so does Mistress. I'm just going to have to suck it up and go the Doctor or the ER and see what's going on with my health. Something i'm not ready to do. Hell I don't even know if I can get good health care if I need it. I don't have insurance so that's making all this even more stressful. I'm ready to pull my hair out and I would if it would help.
On a positive note I did speak with both of my boys lastnight and my mom. My oldest got his license and now is mobile( scary thought) and my youngest is now raising chickens. Two totally different individuals but both are still Mama's boys. I'm going to have to go home soon for at least a weekend and get together with my kids. It's time and I do miss them. We are all just so busy with separate lives it's hard to find common ground where we can all see one another at the same time.
Funny how writing down my feelings and thoughts seem to take a huge load off my shoulders. Now that I feel bit better mentally, I can get off my whiny ass and get some of my chores done for the day.....Chow :)
=submina=
