Friday, June 15, 2012
Father's Day
I'm writing some things down for my Mistress about my Father. She says it'll help me deal with his loss plus it'll keep his memory alive :)
This coming up Sunday is Father's Day. I'm not sure how i'm going to react because it's the first time i've been without my Dad. I've talked about him a bit in previous posts however, i'm dedicating this post fully to him. I said it before and i'm saying it again, i've lost family and friends all through out my life, however, the loss of my Dad, my best friend, has been the hardest thus far. I think about him often even to the point of him being in my dreams. I'm guessing it's because I miss him so much and maybe in some form it's his way of telling me he's alright....
I look back at the good times and bad time he and I have had and I can't help but smile. I am the youngest of 3 siblings and you would think that I was the one spoiled. In fact it's the total opposite, sure he spoiled me in some ways, however, it's because I try to always do the right thing and be responsible. My father raised me totally different from my brother and sister. When I became of age (working age that is) He told me if I wanted anything in life to go out and get it myself because he isn't going to make the same mistakes with me as he did my siblings. So being the person that I am I got a job at 16, worked full time and went to school all throughout highschool. It wasn't easy holding down a job and studying, however, it taught me responsibility and for that I am thankful. I actually bought my first car with my earnings, bought all my clothes and helped pay bills. I had no financial help from anyone, I took it upon myself to offer what I could. Finally my Dad stated he got it right with one of his kids, me :) He was and has always been so proud of me for that.
My Dad wasn't perfect by any means but in my eyes he was. We all have our faults. I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest son. I was so scared. I was only 18 and just graduated highschool. I pretty much had myself together although I still lived at home with my father (parents were divorced at this point). I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until I was around 7 months. You couldn't tell I was pregnant with my first until I was around 8 months. I really really was frightened to death to have to tell my dad, he already knew but was waiting on me to confirm it. The way he got it out of me is actually hilarious. He was driving me to work one morning and all throughout this pregnancy I had morning and night sickness, so he lights up a cigarette knowing it's going make me sick and to make me spill the beans. Ofcourse I had him pull over because I got sick, lol. You'd have to have been then to understand the comedy behind this.I knew then that he already knew so I confirmed it for him. He was the only one that didn't put me down for getting pregnant. I was young, yes , but everything happens for a reason ( my dad taught me that) and my son Lonnie came into my life at the perfect time. My dad , the redneck gentleman, gave up his room and his bed for me while I was pregnant. I couldn't sleep on anything but a waterbed for some reason. He stood behind me throughout the entire 9months of my pregnancy. I gave him his first grandson and he taught me how to be a mom. Crazy how it was my dad helping me learn how to be a parent and not my mother. I was a daddy's girl so I reckon it was just natural.
My father knew when he brought me back home over a year and half ago that he didn't have much longer to live. I was actually living in knoxville with a friend and he brought me home for Christmas supposedly for a visit. He had other intentions ofcourse and I had no idea until I actually got home for the first time in 3years that I wasn't going back to knoxville. I'm glad he did what he did so I could spend the rest of his days with him. There is not a day that went by that we didn't tell one another "I love You". I can lay my head down at night peacefully knowing I was there for him and made him happy throughout his last days on this earth.
As I said above I don't know how i'm going handle Sunday, however, i'm going to try to keep myself together. He'd kick my ass if knew I was sitting here crying. Luckily I do have wonderful people around me that understand and are here for me. Master Wolf and Mama Kat will make sure I don't fall to pieces and i'm positive they'll keep me busy doing something. I think i'm going to go outside at some point in the evening alone and light a candle in his honor so I can sit back and reminisce on the good times and my life growing up in his eyes.....It'll do me some good.......
=submina=
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
random thoughts
I haven't posted in a few days so I thought that it was time I do so. Once again i'm going through some health issues that have me stressed and a little down. I have chronic wounds on my abdomen that are having difficulty healing. This is what I was afraid of. I dealt with the same thing last year, however, last year it was difficulty from a previous surgery. The wounds I have now are pretty much from the same thing, atleast it's the results from the surgery. The ER doc said it was a skin condition that I developed from my past surgeries. For once I just want to be healthy and stay that way. The wounds could possibly take up to a year to heal which doesn't help my attitude. I have to keep positive but it's really hard, luckily I have a great support system (MamaKat and Master Wolf) pushing me to keep my spirits up. All of us here have been sick in some form so we have to keep each other thinking positive. I'm not use to having anyone care as much they do. It's very comforting but new to me.
I got myself in trouble this past weekend. Me being stubborn is not going to work out too well, lol. My emotions are on a rollercoaster and I had major melt down and when asked if I was alright I lied and said yes knowing that I wasn't. I know I should have just said no but I will be, however, I didn't. Master and Mistress needed some alone time together and I didn't want to spoil it so I lied. Not a good thing to do. Honestly I felt like I would have been being selfish by stating what was wrong and taking time away from them. I now know better and that won't happen again. I need to realize that I can't be this strong person that I normally am all the time. It's ok to break down and need comfort. The timing was just really bad in my eyes, but I can't determine when the outburst of tears are going to fall. Master and Mistress made me realize what's going on with me and why i'm on this emotional roller coaster. Usually I don't have time to deal with emotions. I always have people pulling me in all sorts of directions needing me to this or do that for them. Taking care of everyone's needs but my own. Now that I have been staying here with MamaKat and MasterWolf I have time to relax and let those bottled up feelings come to surface. I don't have people driving me totally insane. I'm so not use to opening up in that manner but it's time I learned how and how to let go.
Today I woke up for the first time in days feeling like myself and feeling decent. After going to the ER on Monday I ended up sleeping for two days. The stress got to me, kicked my lupus in and I hurt all over so my body needed rest. I'm hoping to get some things done around the house today since I'm feeling better.
I'm happy as a bee this morning. I spoke with my oldest son several times lastnight and my youngest this morning. Funny how they always seem to know when I need to hear their voices. Speaking with my kids always puts me in a wonderful mood. They are my heart and if I have done anything good in my life it was having them.
Going back to the subject of my crazy emotions, the things I didn't deal with in the past are coming out now. I have had 5 deaths in my life over the past year and half along with having my heart ripped out and shred into a million tiny little pieces. I've lost friends and family and the hardest to deal with and still is, was the death of my father. We lost him just before Christmas and it was not expected , at least not so soon. My dad's health has been poor for a long time. I'd say a little over a year and half ago he brought me home so I could spend what little time he had left with him. During this time I was sick too so we supported one another. What started me on my outburst was a dream that I had of him. I don't know that the dream meant anything particular but it made me realize just how much I miss him. My dad was best friend, he knew everything about me , good and bad, and still accepted me for me with out judging. I think about him often and still to this day I tear up. I just want to be able to go home and see him sitting there in his chair watching tv. Every night we'd sit together and talk about life in general. I miss those conversations so much. I know he's not suffering anymore, however, I still wish he was here.
Moving on to the heartbreak. I thought that I was fine and over it but life has told me otherwise. I'll never understand why some people are the way they are, manipulative and cruel. To give your heart fully to someone and love unconditionally opening up everything inside you leaving nothing undone is not something I do easily or freely. I won't say his name because honestly it still hurts too much. I knew him for a little over 3 years (atleast I thought I knew him) and out of those 3 years we were together as a couple for a year. We lived in different states so we'd take turns traveling to see one another. For the first time in my life I thought I was living my fairy tale of love story. Yes I still think of love as a fairy tale. I gave him all of me then one day out of no where he just up and disappeared. Everything was fine and dandy, life was great as I was getting ready to move to Georgia to be with him full time then poof...He was gone. I never got closure on this and I guess that's why it still hurts as much as it does. After his disappearance I found out just how manipulative he was. This man had a whole other life, two other women, one which lived near him in Georgia. Talk about a slap in the face. This makes it really hard for me to trust because I thought I knew him when I really didn't know him at all. I am still trying to figure out how to overcome all this. I guess it's going to be one day at time.
For the first time I actually opened up and told MamaKat and MasterWolf about him which was not easy for me. I cried the entire time when speaking about him. I think it helped opening up and it's the first step in moving on with my life and getting over him.
Now i'm off to go on a hat hunt. Master's hat has disappeared somewhere in this house and i'm on a mission to find it. More to come later....Going to get my day started........
=submina=
I got myself in trouble this past weekend. Me being stubborn is not going to work out too well, lol. My emotions are on a rollercoaster and I had major melt down and when asked if I was alright I lied and said yes knowing that I wasn't. I know I should have just said no but I will be, however, I didn't. Master and Mistress needed some alone time together and I didn't want to spoil it so I lied. Not a good thing to do. Honestly I felt like I would have been being selfish by stating what was wrong and taking time away from them. I now know better and that won't happen again. I need to realize that I can't be this strong person that I normally am all the time. It's ok to break down and need comfort. The timing was just really bad in my eyes, but I can't determine when the outburst of tears are going to fall. Master and Mistress made me realize what's going on with me and why i'm on this emotional roller coaster. Usually I don't have time to deal with emotions. I always have people pulling me in all sorts of directions needing me to this or do that for them. Taking care of everyone's needs but my own. Now that I have been staying here with MamaKat and MasterWolf I have time to relax and let those bottled up feelings come to surface. I don't have people driving me totally insane. I'm so not use to opening up in that manner but it's time I learned how and how to let go.
Today I woke up for the first time in days feeling like myself and feeling decent. After going to the ER on Monday I ended up sleeping for two days. The stress got to me, kicked my lupus in and I hurt all over so my body needed rest. I'm hoping to get some things done around the house today since I'm feeling better.
I'm happy as a bee this morning. I spoke with my oldest son several times lastnight and my youngest this morning. Funny how they always seem to know when I need to hear their voices. Speaking with my kids always puts me in a wonderful mood. They are my heart and if I have done anything good in my life it was having them.
Going back to the subject of my crazy emotions, the things I didn't deal with in the past are coming out now. I have had 5 deaths in my life over the past year and half along with having my heart ripped out and shred into a million tiny little pieces. I've lost friends and family and the hardest to deal with and still is, was the death of my father. We lost him just before Christmas and it was not expected , at least not so soon. My dad's health has been poor for a long time. I'd say a little over a year and half ago he brought me home so I could spend what little time he had left with him. During this time I was sick too so we supported one another. What started me on my outburst was a dream that I had of him. I don't know that the dream meant anything particular but it made me realize just how much I miss him. My dad was best friend, he knew everything about me , good and bad, and still accepted me for me with out judging. I think about him often and still to this day I tear up. I just want to be able to go home and see him sitting there in his chair watching tv. Every night we'd sit together and talk about life in general. I miss those conversations so much. I know he's not suffering anymore, however, I still wish he was here.
Moving on to the heartbreak. I thought that I was fine and over it but life has told me otherwise. I'll never understand why some people are the way they are, manipulative and cruel. To give your heart fully to someone and love unconditionally opening up everything inside you leaving nothing undone is not something I do easily or freely. I won't say his name because honestly it still hurts too much. I knew him for a little over 3 years (atleast I thought I knew him) and out of those 3 years we were together as a couple for a year. We lived in different states so we'd take turns traveling to see one another. For the first time in my life I thought I was living my fairy tale of love story. Yes I still think of love as a fairy tale. I gave him all of me then one day out of no where he just up and disappeared. Everything was fine and dandy, life was great as I was getting ready to move to Georgia to be with him full time then poof...He was gone. I never got closure on this and I guess that's why it still hurts as much as it does. After his disappearance I found out just how manipulative he was. This man had a whole other life, two other women, one which lived near him in Georgia. Talk about a slap in the face. This makes it really hard for me to trust because I thought I knew him when I really didn't know him at all. I am still trying to figure out how to overcome all this. I guess it's going to be one day at time.
For the first time I actually opened up and told MamaKat and MasterWolf about him which was not easy for me. I cried the entire time when speaking about him. I think it helped opening up and it's the first step in moving on with my life and getting over him.
Now i'm off to go on a hat hunt. Master's hat has disappeared somewhere in this house and i'm on a mission to find it. More to come later....Going to get my day started........
=submina=
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Positive Thinking
Yesterday to let out some of my frustrations and I actually walked 4.2 miles. Me, yes me, I did it!! I didn't give in or give up and call my Master to come pick me up because I got too hot and too tired. I pushed myself and kept on walking. I walked to the pharmacy and back and that was a total of 4.2 miles. I am so proud of myself!!
All in all yesterday was a pretty good day. I feel better because I got rid of the negativity I was feeling with my health. I'll be just fine no matter what I have to go through, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand the reasoning behind these things, however, it is what it is and God's will.
After walking I straightened up the house and talked with Master throughout the day. I really enjoy talking with Him even it's about silly things. He along with Mistress keep me positive and they both build my self esteem up. I don't know that I will serve them for the rest of my life but I do know I am meant to be here at this point in time. I really enjoy being here, I absolutely adore their son too, he is so intelligent and great to be around. He keeps me laughing, hell even the animals adopted me. What more could I ask for :)
I spoke with both of my boys again yesterday. Man I really miss when they were younger and needed me more. Not that I want to go back in time and start all over, but, those were precious moments. My oldest Lonnie wants to study for his GED, which makes me so proud of him. Honestly he didn't do well in school and because of hard times he ended up quitting. I have to set him a Doctors appointment up so I can try to get his meds started again. He has ADD and the meds will help him concentrate. I really hope he goes through with this because education these days is so important. Now my youngest son T.J. is still in school and will be a senior next year. Two totally different kids but they are both great boys and I couldn't not ask for better sons. T.J. is the one raising chickens and his dog actually got hold of two of them and well, may they rest in peace. I just hope the dog stays away from the remaining ones....I want fresh eggs, lol.....
Today is starting out positive and I believe all in all it'll be a great day. I have to take my uncle's a few groceries at some point today and go see my mom. Master is going to take me to run these errands and i'm excited because He and I have been listening to a book . I like to think of it as Master and I spending quality time together. I do cherish times like that and I hope He does as well. I did sew His hat this morning and He seems to like the outcome. It's His favorite hat so I didn't mind attempting to fix it. I actually enjoyed taking the time to do that for Him. To me I was doing something special just for Him :)
Off to get my day started .......Toodles!!
=submina=
All in all yesterday was a pretty good day. I feel better because I got rid of the negativity I was feeling with my health. I'll be just fine no matter what I have to go through, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand the reasoning behind these things, however, it is what it is and God's will.
After walking I straightened up the house and talked with Master throughout the day. I really enjoy talking with Him even it's about silly things. He along with Mistress keep me positive and they both build my self esteem up. I don't know that I will serve them for the rest of my life but I do know I am meant to be here at this point in time. I really enjoy being here, I absolutely adore their son too, he is so intelligent and great to be around. He keeps me laughing, hell even the animals adopted me. What more could I ask for :)
I spoke with both of my boys again yesterday. Man I really miss when they were younger and needed me more. Not that I want to go back in time and start all over, but, those were precious moments. My oldest Lonnie wants to study for his GED, which makes me so proud of him. Honestly he didn't do well in school and because of hard times he ended up quitting. I have to set him a Doctors appointment up so I can try to get his meds started again. He has ADD and the meds will help him concentrate. I really hope he goes through with this because education these days is so important. Now my youngest son T.J. is still in school and will be a senior next year. Two totally different kids but they are both great boys and I couldn't not ask for better sons. T.J. is the one raising chickens and his dog actually got hold of two of them and well, may they rest in peace. I just hope the dog stays away from the remaining ones....I want fresh eggs, lol.....
Today is starting out positive and I believe all in all it'll be a great day. I have to take my uncle's a few groceries at some point today and go see my mom. Master is going to take me to run these errands and i'm excited because He and I have been listening to a book . I like to think of it as Master and I spending quality time together. I do cherish times like that and I hope He does as well. I did sew His hat this morning and He seems to like the outcome. It's His favorite hat so I didn't mind attempting to fix it. I actually enjoyed taking the time to do that for Him. To me I was doing something special just for Him :)
Off to get my day started .......Toodles!!
=submina=
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Worried
For once i'd actually like to write only positive things on here, unfortunately, that's not happening today. I'm trying my hardest not to have a melt down and keep myself together for my Master and Mistress, however, I am finding it difficult right now. I have a few wounds on my stomach that are not healing and i'm scared that it's going to put me in the hospital again. I have lupus, and a rare type of hemophilia which makes it hard for my body to heal certain things. Last year I dealt with the same thing. Over the past few years i've been in and out of the hospital around 6 or 7 times due to health issues and surgeries along with having my fill of seeing doctors. Frankly I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I spent 7 months last year dealing with trying to heal from 2 different surgeries (one of which I had difficulty with) and really don't want to have to do that again this year. I'm stressed and worried to death.
Yesterday my Master asked me if there was anything wrong because I wasn't acting like myself. I just told him that I was tired and achy, which is true but I didn't tell him everything. I know I should have, however, why put my problems and worry's on someone that's already stressed. He doesn't need any more put on him. I try to hide the fact that i'm stressing but it doesn't do any good, he sees right through me and so does Mistress. I'm just going to have to suck it up and go the Doctor or the ER and see what's going on with my health. Something i'm not ready to do. Hell I don't even know if I can get good health care if I need it. I don't have insurance so that's making all this even more stressful. I'm ready to pull my hair out and I would if it would help.
On a positive note I did speak with both of my boys lastnight and my mom. My oldest got his license and now is mobile( scary thought) and my youngest is now raising chickens. Two totally different individuals but both are still Mama's boys. I'm going to have to go home soon for at least a weekend and get together with my kids. It's time and I do miss them. We are all just so busy with separate lives it's hard to find common ground where we can all see one another at the same time.
Funny how writing down my feelings and thoughts seem to take a huge load off my shoulders. Now that I feel bit better mentally, I can get off my whiny ass and get some of my chores done for the day.....Chow :)
=submina=
Yesterday my Master asked me if there was anything wrong because I wasn't acting like myself. I just told him that I was tired and achy, which is true but I didn't tell him everything. I know I should have, however, why put my problems and worry's on someone that's already stressed. He doesn't need any more put on him. I try to hide the fact that i'm stressing but it doesn't do any good, he sees right through me and so does Mistress. I'm just going to have to suck it up and go the Doctor or the ER and see what's going on with my health. Something i'm not ready to do. Hell I don't even know if I can get good health care if I need it. I don't have insurance so that's making all this even more stressful. I'm ready to pull my hair out and I would if it would help.
On a positive note I did speak with both of my boys lastnight and my mom. My oldest got his license and now is mobile( scary thought) and my youngest is now raising chickens. Two totally different individuals but both are still Mama's boys. I'm going to have to go home soon for at least a weekend and get together with my kids. It's time and I do miss them. We are all just so busy with separate lives it's hard to find common ground where we can all see one another at the same time.
Funny how writing down my feelings and thoughts seem to take a huge load off my shoulders. Now that I feel bit better mentally, I can get off my whiny ass and get some of my chores done for the day.....Chow :)
=submina=
Sunday, June 3, 2012
More venting and thoughts (June 3rd, 2012)
You know there's not one person in this world that is perfect, we all have our faults. What really pisses me off is to see someone I care deeply for getting their feelings hurt. My Master thought He made friends with some people, even went out of His way to help one of them out when they were in need and no one else gave damn only to basically get stabbed in the back. He didn't deserve this and frankly I am extremely annoyed that this happened. He's already not feeling good so let's just kick him while he's down. I don't know what makes people so cruel but you would think they'd have a heart and appreciate the friend that could have been. I think that He is an amazing person, sometimes He puts a lot of faith in people only to be disappointed, but frankly that's life and how most people are. They put on a good front or play the helpless damsel in distress just to get attention . Then once they get what they want and need they could care less about you. This is why I don't really have that many friends only acquaintances. I thank god everyday to have blessed me with my Master Wolf and my Mistress MamaKat. Between having Him and my wonderful Mistress I have found happiness so to see Him upset really gets under my skin and makes we want to kick everyone's ass that's put Him in this situation. Some people are just assholes and karma is a bitch so rest assured what goes around comes around and i'm just going to sit back and watch when it comes back on them, probably with a smile on face. They didn't deserve a friend like Him anyway, He deserves much better .........=submina=
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Home
I have been in Little Rock for the past week and i'm so glad to be home. It feels so great to be missed and loved as I am. Being away from my Master and Mistress definitely put in very sad state. I am very very addicted to them both and don't like when i'm not near them.
I've said it before and i'll say it again, I am truly blessed. I came home to Master being stressed out and the start of getting sick as well as Mistress still trying to get over her illness. Hopefully now that I am back home I can doctor both of them back to health. I love being able to serve them and I am fulfilled each and every day that I am allowed.
I did get to go to the club again without them because neither one of them were up to it. Although I had a great time nothing compares to when I am with them. Yes I am bragging on them both because in my eyes they are the best and what we have doesn't even begin to compare to things that I have encountered in my past.
I'm feeling pretty good tonight because I came home to my loving family and i'm back where I belong. Don't get me wrong I went out of town to help out a family member (my aunt) and didn't mind at all, however, it's just not the same .....
As for my night at the club, I myself didn't bottom to anyone because the gentleman I normally play with when Master and Mistress allow me to was unable to attend the club tonight. I did get to top a dear friend of mine and enjoyed it very much. She does wonderful when put in her happy place :) There was a pretty good crowd tonight and lots of new faces.
I actually have someone that wants to go out with me. He's not from here and I met him a few months back at a local concert. If we would have planned ahead a little better we probably would have seen one another tonight instead of me going to the club. There is always a next time and besides i'm needed at home. It's just nice to be hit on, makes me feel like i'm sexy, which Mistress and Master do very well at that, but to have someone else make you feel that way is always a bonus. I do plan on seeing this man at some point, however, we definitely need to coordinate things in advance to make this happen. My priorities are with my kids and my MamaKat & Master Wolf, they will always come first..
On that note it's time to shut down for the night....More thoughts from my mind another day............
=submina=
I've said it before and i'll say it again, I am truly blessed. I came home to Master being stressed out and the start of getting sick as well as Mistress still trying to get over her illness. Hopefully now that I am back home I can doctor both of them back to health. I love being able to serve them and I am fulfilled each and every day that I am allowed.
I did get to go to the club again without them because neither one of them were up to it. Although I had a great time nothing compares to when I am with them. Yes I am bragging on them both because in my eyes they are the best and what we have doesn't even begin to compare to things that I have encountered in my past.
I'm feeling pretty good tonight because I came home to my loving family and i'm back where I belong. Don't get me wrong I went out of town to help out a family member (my aunt) and didn't mind at all, however, it's just not the same .....
As for my night at the club, I myself didn't bottom to anyone because the gentleman I normally play with when Master and Mistress allow me to was unable to attend the club tonight. I did get to top a dear friend of mine and enjoyed it very much. She does wonderful when put in her happy place :) There was a pretty good crowd tonight and lots of new faces.
I actually have someone that wants to go out with me. He's not from here and I met him a few months back at a local concert. If we would have planned ahead a little better we probably would have seen one another tonight instead of me going to the club. There is always a next time and besides i'm needed at home. It's just nice to be hit on, makes me feel like i'm sexy, which Mistress and Master do very well at that, but to have someone else make you feel that way is always a bonus. I do plan on seeing this man at some point, however, we definitely need to coordinate things in advance to make this happen. My priorities are with my kids and my MamaKat & Master Wolf, they will always come first..
On that note it's time to shut down for the night....More thoughts from my mind another day............
=submina=
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Venting
I'm
writing this time to vent and bitch so I can get it all out my system.
My life isn't bad at all, frankly i'm pretty happy go lucky most of the
time. Today on the other hand is not one of those days where I am all
peachy and giggly. I'm rather irritated and most of what is causing this
irritation is my fault. I have to start remembering to spread my time
out a little more and give myself time before making any promises to do
something.
I'm in Little Rock for the week and really don't want to be, however, I made a promise to someone that I would come visit again, just didn't realize it would be so soon. I'm not one to break a promise so I honored my word and here I sit. I know everything will be fine and maybe I needed to leave my wonderful Wykd family....My MamaKat and Master Wolf...I don't say that as a negative because I would much rather be back in Bartlett making sure they are taken care of because they both have been sick and now Master Wolf is curled up under blankets miserable, MamaKat is fighting stress and a relapse and now she has to go home and take care of Sir when she should be resting next to him. I know I won't be able to be there all the time but damnit I want to be. They both need some TLC. Even though we weren't on each others nerves I figured a few days apart would do us some good so that we don't take a chance of driving one another nuts. That's the only reason I kept my promise to my Aunt, however, had I known what I know now I would not have left.
With all that being said I am utterly worn out and very very tired. Everything is bothering me today and I got my feelings hurt because i'm being a moody bitch due to lack of sleep and everything falling apart at once. I literally worked my hiney off spring cleaning for two days so the house would stay clean during my abscence and no one would really have to do much. My kid was an ass on the phone today, took me forever to actually figure out that I needed to publish my blogs (journal) so that they can be read by MasterWolf and MamaKat which stressed me out, then I was trying to speak with Master on one of the gmail im's because my phone only has like 5 text messages left until the 1st and he got sick and asked me not to message him there because it was too noisey which irritated me even more because I can't send any text to check on him and I don't want to call and chance waking him up if he's resting. It's like i'm cursed, someone put a spell on me. None of this is anyone's fault, it just has me down today and a little depressed. A good nights sleep will do me justice and i'll be in a much better mood tomorrow.
I know i'm suppose to write in my journal when I first met James and Kat plus all the things in between now and then. I will and and i'll make sure that the correct time span corresponds with my journal. Right now i'm just writing down the present getting a few things off my chest, that's what a journal is for plus it is a way of communication between Master, Mistress and myself. It also will help them get to know me better in so many ways.
Now that I vented and got it out of my system and I have a tasty chocolate homemade milk shake in my hand, I am feeling better. Here in about an hour and a half i'm going to start listening to the book that Master so kindly downloaded for me surprising the dickens out of me and MamaKat loaned me her laptop so I could start this journal and listen the book. I swear, I have the most wonderful Master and Mistress , so kind and loving......I truly have been blessed........
I'm in Little Rock for the week and really don't want to be, however, I made a promise to someone that I would come visit again, just didn't realize it would be so soon. I'm not one to break a promise so I honored my word and here I sit. I know everything will be fine and maybe I needed to leave my wonderful Wykd family....My MamaKat and Master Wolf...I don't say that as a negative because I would much rather be back in Bartlett making sure they are taken care of because they both have been sick and now Master Wolf is curled up under blankets miserable, MamaKat is fighting stress and a relapse and now she has to go home and take care of Sir when she should be resting next to him. I know I won't be able to be there all the time but damnit I want to be. They both need some TLC. Even though we weren't on each others nerves I figured a few days apart would do us some good so that we don't take a chance of driving one another nuts. That's the only reason I kept my promise to my Aunt, however, had I known what I know now I would not have left.
With all that being said I am utterly worn out and very very tired. Everything is bothering me today and I got my feelings hurt because i'm being a moody bitch due to lack of sleep and everything falling apart at once. I literally worked my hiney off spring cleaning for two days so the house would stay clean during my abscence and no one would really have to do much. My kid was an ass on the phone today, took me forever to actually figure out that I needed to publish my blogs (journal) so that they can be read by MasterWolf and MamaKat which stressed me out, then I was trying to speak with Master on one of the gmail im's because my phone only has like 5 text messages left until the 1st and he got sick and asked me not to message him there because it was too noisey which irritated me even more because I can't send any text to check on him and I don't want to call and chance waking him up if he's resting. It's like i'm cursed, someone put a spell on me. None of this is anyone's fault, it just has me down today and a little depressed. A good nights sleep will do me justice and i'll be in a much better mood tomorrow.
I know i'm suppose to write in my journal when I first met James and Kat plus all the things in between now and then. I will and and i'll make sure that the correct time span corresponds with my journal. Right now i'm just writing down the present getting a few things off my chest, that's what a journal is for plus it is a way of communication between Master, Mistress and myself. It also will help them get to know me better in so many ways.
Now that I vented and got it out of my system and I have a tasty chocolate homemade milk shake in my hand, I am feeling better. Here in about an hour and a half i'm going to start listening to the book that Master so kindly downloaded for me surprising the dickens out of me and MamaKat loaned me her laptop so I could start this journal and listen the book. I swear, I have the most wonderful Master and Mistress , so kind and loving......I truly have been blessed........
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